Three Tips to Help Your Nervous Middle Schooler Transition to High School

Note: In the following account, I share a real-life experience with names changed to respect privacy and confidentiality.

We often hear stories of kids eagerly anticipating high school, those who were stars in middle school and are poised to thrive in high school as well. But the narratives are so rarely centered around the kids who excelled in middle school but don’t feel good about high school or feel self-conscious about continuing to be themselves in a new school setting.

Helping kids navigate their changing identities and provide support during this time can be challenging. In this blog post, I’m sharing some personal insights and tips from my experience working with a teenager in preparation for her transition to high school that you may find helpful for you and your middle schooler.

Tips for Supporting Your Middle Schooler’s Transition to High School

I recently had the opportunity to evaluate a middle school student named Anna who has autism. During our time together, I chatted with her about a lot of things: her incredible drawings (and her membership in the art club at school), her crush that she didn’t want her parents to know about, and her great sense of humor. But what stood out to me the most in this conversation was how nervous she admitted to being about going to high school next year.

She was so nervous about making friends and fitting in. As a very high functioning person with autism, she is aware of her differences and concerned about what that means for the next phase of her educational career. She’s a self-proclaimed dork and she liked that about herself. But she wasn’t sure that other kids would.

I assured her that she would find other “dorks” like her in high school, and probably other kids on the spectrum too. We wrapped up our testing session and she went on about her day, probably without thinking much about me afterwards.

But I found myself thinking about her a lot throughout the rest of my day. A few weeks later, I talked to her mom about her concerns about high school and gave her these tips that you may find helpful too if you have a middle schooler who is transitioning to high school soon:

1. Allow her to lead the conversation about their identity (dork) and follow. While I wouldn’t have called Anna a dork, she called herself one and was proud of it. So, I went with it. I think this made her feel seen and understood and probably contributed to how open she was with me throughout the remainder of our time together.
2. Assure her of their great qualities and the fact that you’ll be there to support her along the way. Sometimes, all a person needs is to hear that they are capable and loved.
3. Check in with her frequently about things that you may be able to do to make the transition easier for them. For Anna, I assured her that I’d be sharing what she said with her mom (with her permission) and I encouraged her mom to look into things that would allow her to have some familiarity and continuity in high school. If they don’t have an art club in high school like they do at middle school, she could consider advocating for her to start her first semester in an art class. This would give her a familiar and enjoyable activity to look forward to.

Transitioning from middle school to high school can be a daunting experience for any student, but it can be especially challenging for those who are “different”. It’s important for us as the adults in their lives to listen to their concerns and support them in their journey. By allowing them to lead the conversation about their identity, assuring them of their great qualities, and checking in with them frequently, we can help make the transition smoother and more manageable.